Monday, July 31, 2006

The Company Credit Card Part Two: Flamboyant Owner

Flamboyant Owner (“FO”)…

I believe you are the most considerate user of the company card, though you also have your share of idiotic things you purchase. This isn’t as inane as Frosty Bitch (how could it be???), given that you’re the owner and that anything you spend is taken out of your profits. However I have questions about *some* of the things you classify as “company expenses” rather then a personal expense. I do understand the motivation to keep as much profit as possible and “write-off” other things… but some of these things are going to be tough to justify.

1. Your car payment. That’s right, almost $1,000 to Porsche Financing. I’ve seen your Porsche, it doesn’t appear to be a company vehicle in anyway. You do drive it to and from work, but I am not sure that this is enough to justify the company paying for it.

2. CVS prescriptions. Now… I don’t know what type of meds these are, perhaps if you don’t take them you wont be able to come to work, but (and correct me if I am wrong) should these really be treated like a business expense? I mean I cannot come to work without some Advil for my hangover, can I claim that a business related expense and be reimbursed.

3. Life Insurance for a Small Child- Now… I know you don’t have a child living with you, and as gay as you are, I am not sure you have any child at all. You are too young to be a grand parent and buying life insurance for someone else’s child is pretty creepy. Aside from all that, you are a free man and can buy life insurance for whatever small child you wish to purchase it for, however I am unable to come up with ANY plausible reason for the company to pay for it, or how it could ever, in any way, be a business related expense. Is it easier for you to get your work done knowing some random child is insuranced?

4. Amazing- This is not an “office supply” store. I am from New England, I love that store, I shopped there all the time before I moved down here. I had no idea that had an internet catalog and I am happy to see my favorite products from the store will still be available to me. However, and I say this as politely as possible, it is a pornography store. There are a few pens and pencils (mainly shaped like penises, which I know you love very much), but I cannot imagine that in the absence of nearby Staples/Office Max, rather then go to one of those retailer websites to order office supplies you decided to go with a few hundred dollars worth of penis pens. Though I do thank you for the laugh I had, seeing “Amazing.net……” and in *your* handwriting “office supplies”. I would loooove to see these supplies. Oh…and probably stop buying porn on the company card.

I could go on, but I won’t I believe you understand my point. Buy whatever you want, I hardly even pay attention to the stuff charged to you, it gets lost in the huge bill. But what WILL make me pay attention to your deviant spending habits is when you try to pass off (extremely) personal expenses as business expenses. Don’t do that, it just forces me to dig into the charge, something neither of us want.

Sincerely,

First Year :)

4 Comments:

Blogger dicta said...

i definitely write off advil. definitely.

11:13 AM  
Blogger Susie Law School said...

Perhaps you can write off all your work clothes as you wouldn't have to own them was it not for your job. Ditto for all your work lunches, shoes, bags, makeup... the list goes on.

Love it!

S.

PS have linked to you also!

8:26 AM  
Blogger Nut's mom said...

porn on your office card? hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!

that made me laugh so hard. that guy, what exactly is his job? and, please excues the sterotype, is he blond perchance?

12:36 PM  
Blogger First Year said...

:) I HAD to answer this question....that guy is the OWNER of the company, lol thats right :)

And while he shaves his head bald, I believe it is blond.

It was just funny because its a chain of porn shops not found in this area, so someone else (not from the NE area) would never have known.

:)

1:25 PM  

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