Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Stop Honking!!!

Dear Asshole driving down Eye Street behind me,

First of all, fuck you! What the hell do you keep honking at me for? I am truly confused, please tell me what I can do better.

The first time I thought it was just a fluke. Surely you wouldn't be honking at someone stopped at a RED light, because red means stops. Then I wondered if I were in your way of making a right hand turn on the red, and sadly since we were in the middle lane this couldn't have been the care. So, what is it exactly that you are trying to get across with your long and loud honks?

The second time was a little more understandable, if we didn't all know the rule about not blocking the box. You see, the light was in fact green and on first inspection you'd think it was well within my right to go. However, you might not have noticed the 30-40 cars crammed into the lanes on the block across the intersection, leaving my car no place to be that was not actually IN the middle of the intersection. Now I know someone as wonderful as you are would probably go ahead and pull into the middle of the street knowing that you'd get stuck there because you don't care about looking like an ass, being in a dangerous situation, and aggrivating everyone else. But thats not me, so I am sory I stopped at the green light. I would do it again.

And of course my personal favorite, as I rolled up to a light that had been yellow to begin with, I didn't decide to blow the light. Oh you were livid! You honked and honked and it went on for so long I thought you must have some sort of super horn that will emit the obnoxious for minutes at a time! I don't know if I enjoyed that more then the ever popular shot rapid fire honking. In any case, your honking really made my evening. Thanks. I suppose if I had blown through the red light and the DC police office who was sitting at the intersection I was crossing (and might possibly smash right into him) had given me a ticket you would have paid for it? I bet you would have, I mean you wanted to get through the light so badly.

So there you have it, you honk if I stop at a red, or a yellow, and especially a green. You seem to be unwilling to judge road conditions for whether one should go or not go. It must have been clear to you that I was not paying you any attention, so why keep honking? I can understand a short little beep beep to indicate that you're not pleased with something I have done. But do you need to lay on your horn the entire time the light I am stopped at is red (or red and yellow or red and yellow and green)?

In any case, I hate you. I hope you get into a deadly accident with an innaminate object. People like you should not be on the road, I can only wish misfortune unto you. Please don't breed and pass down your idiot genes. This was not the best day to mess with me, it was my first back at school, I was determined to not let it get to me, and I didn't.

Thanks :)

First Year

10 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! What an asshole. Well done for keeping it together and not giving them the finger at the very least. Unfortunately there are many more drivers just like that on the road...

6:51 PM  
Anonymous TravelGirlDC said...

I am from the south and I am amazed at the amount of time people in the DC area people spend honking the horn. We just don't honk like that in the south! Someone pretty much needs to be in eminent danger to use the horn in the south

5:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I fucking hate people!!

The finger does no justice. Beating the shit outta them is only a temporary solution. Death...now there's an idea!

Get these rejects off the planet. There we go!

7:01 AM  
Blogger Law-Rah said...

I HATE the way people drive in D.C. HATE.

9:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, that was me honking at you. You somehow managed to snare a vagrant on your back bumper and he was leaking spare change and malt-liquor bottlecaps all over the road. You've really got to be more careful about backing out over old discarded piles of blankets.
Also, love your blog, been reading since day one. I made the post awhile back that was sorta snide about internet anonymity, cokewhoring and... well... whoring. Hope you're all set to head back to class. I'm not sure what school you're at but I'm at in DC too and have a pretty solid outline bank if you need anything.

12:30 PM  
Blogger mmafan said...

I'm beginning to hate people in DC period

12:51 PM  
Anonymous Grace said...

Wow, this assberet sounds like a total tool. That sucks.

7:31 PM  
Anonymous Grace said...

Wow, this assberet sounds like a total tool. That sucks.

7:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, do you think it'll be long until he passes his driving test?

Well done on not paying any attention and good luck back at school!

S.

9:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am a super aggressive driver and even I don't honk the horn. Well except for a woman a couple of days ago who decided to completely stop in the middle of a two lane road with no one in front of her.

I'm an asshole that way for thinking she could have pulled to the side of the road instead of stopping right in the middle.

But it took me like 15 seconds to even find the horn since the air bags make it so you can't just hit the center of your steering wheel anymore.

Why didn't they just go around you? That is my preferred mission.

10:48 AM  

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