You’re a BAD BAD Employee!!!

Things at work, when I do most of my blogging, have really been a little nutty and tense lately. Most of the problems surround a few misfit employees and their crazy antics. As a public service announcement, I would like to kindly ask that other people please refrain from the following behaviors. I know this is the free world and we can all do whatever it is that we feel like…but as one my favorite sayings go, just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean you SHOULD.

1. Quit Gracefully-

If you’ve already given your notice and your future at the company is limited just relax and ride it out until the end. You’re leaving on good terms, let it just stay that way. I can understand your lack of enthusiasm and of course if I were you I would be rolling in late and spending hours trolling the internet instead of doing my work…but the key is to still show up.

You’re leaving anyhow, and I know you don’t have another job lined up. So why is it that you called out 2 days last week pleading an awful illness (that made several people here fret for your health and well being) and then just didn’t come back to work? Are you really ill and sitting in a gutter somewhere? Or are you just an incredible jack ass. Unfortunately I am afraid you’re a jack ass because your position requires that someone be doing it each and every day and your replacement has yet to be found, since you were “Staying” for your notice period (and in fact stayed for about half of it, thanks!). So…. Thanks a lot for screwing us all, me especially since I got to pick up the slack for you until they find a permanent replacement.

2. Delegate Duties to Right People-

I am a helpful person, so if I happen to see a pile of mail sitting around I will take mine and give the rest to the people it belongs to. If I need to take something to the FedEx both I ask the people around me if they have anything they need to take. This does not mean I am an administrative assistant, a secretary or anything of the sort. I’m still an accountant and if you call me up and rudely tell me the front message box has the message light blinking and that you want it checked because you want to know if its for you I wont care and I wont help you. But…I WILL be insulted and think less of you. And since we’re more peers in the company then you being my superior (which you in way are) I suggest you don’t piss me off too much.

Things that will leave me wondering what planet you came done from include: Asking me to run and get coffee, getting ALL the mail and sorting it, making you photocopies, sending a fax for you, or taking notes for you at a meeting. As you storm into my OFFICE (notice the door, the desk….very much unlike where the secretary sits at the front desk and nothing like the cubicles in the hallway the admins reside in) and thrust a pile of crap at me *telling* me to do something with it, I will get annoyed. Don’t get me wrong if you need a favor and ask me nicely, which includes the word please, most likely I will just do your chore when I do mine. But in no way am I going to be setting up a precedent that I act as your assistant. Thanks.

3. Learn to Take Non-Verbal Cues-

Sometimes I am busy, we all get there once in awhile and most of us just shut our doors and get to work. But you…you never get the subtle hints that I don’t want to chat or catch up with you. Apparently having my door closed (not open even a crack) is no deterrent to you surprises me, but moving on…. Does my desk, completely covered in paperwork, the excel spreadsheet on my screen, and my tired glazed over expression not indicate this isn’t a good time? But when I decided to be less subtle and say, “Oblivious Co-Worker, I am a little busy right now, can I catch you later on?” you sulk and act as if I have insulted you in some way. Would saying, “Get the fuck out of my office!!! Don’t you know what time of the billing cycle it is? I don’t have time for inane conversation with you. LEAVE.”, be better?

4. Trust the “Experts”-

Now I am no HR or Accounting expert. But I did graduate college with a degree in both fields and have worked in accounting for several years. I am also the HR admin now apparently. So, when New Girl filled her tax form out wrong and I mentioned to her that she was incorrect I didn’t really expect her to argue with me.

So folks, let me tell you. We’re just being friendly. I honestly don’t give a flying fuck if you fill your tax form out wrong. Its your problem not mine, I am just trying to save you a headache at the end of the year. If you overpay your taxes, no big deal you’ll get them back, but you’re giving a loan to the IRS for free. However, if you overstate your deductions and underpay your taxes you’ll owe more (much more) at the end of the years. And unless you’re making quarterly payments in anticipation of this, it can really smack you in the face because it adds up if you’re not saving it.

So, when I tell you that you can’t claim a deduction, believe me. I gain nothing from helping you properly fill out your tax forms. And definitely don’t argue with me and act as if I don’t know what I am talking about, because I do.

Thanks for letting me get that out!

First Year :)