Tuesday, October 24, 2006

I Hate Driving in DC!!!

Once again I am in the city doing this and that for work. After living in this area for over 5 years and driving around here for over 3 I still have a few vents about the City and the fine people who drive around here daily.

1. Tourists- Stay the fuck off of the roads during the morning rush hour. Please???? You don't need to be at the monuments at 8:30 am. Not only is it cold but it will take you an hour to drive here in the early morning but only 10 minutes if you leave an hour or an hour and a half later. You really just make things worst because you don't know where you are going, you drive in the wrong lane, you don't look where you're going because you've got 5 screaming kids in the car, and you're from some area of the country where traffic doesn't happen and you're flustered and baffled. Also, please stay off of the metro during this time too. Let us get to work and then you can see all the monuments, memorials, and museums you want.

2. Taxi cabs and Buses...Is there some sort of competition to see who can hit the most cars and pedestrians and whoever wins gets a year paid off (while its under investigation perhaps....)? If not I simply don't understand why the cab drivers all seem to think that their car and my car can share the same space together. And buses....Please look instead of just pulling out into the road, there might be cars there! Also, if you narrowly avoid hitting me do not glare at me as if I was somehow in the wrong. You were parked (with an out of service sign on your display) and I was driving in the road. Apparently while I was sitting in traffic next to you, you decided it was time to move again and simply slammed your bus on and started moving....Even though traffic on the road had yet to start moving. Apparently you were pissed you couldn't move because of the cars stopped all around you...I hate that myself, sorry to ruin your day!

3. Dumb-ass people in general- Whenever I am driving in DC I often notice tons of people just randomly stopped in the road. Not on the side of the road where parked cars might be, just all over the road. Its like a maze to find the empty slots where my car can fit and get into them before someone gets there first and randomly stops in the middle of the road. Some of these people are looking for parking (fair enough, I know that can be a bitch) and some of them are looking for the numbers on the building (Ok there as well), but most seem to be simply contemplating the great mysteries of life, baby talking with their dog, or sometimes having an argument on their cell phones. So I have to beg of these people. Please don't randomly stop in the middle of the road, and if you ARE already randomly stopped in the road don't just randomly start moving again when people are trying to pass you (because you're not moving). Try a turn signal or maybe you could turn your flashers off.

Aside from that little driving in DC vent I got an excellent question via a comment (anonymous of course, but that’s OK because I have his IP address, service provider and location and Comcast is currently getting me his- I assume you could only be male, please forgive me if I am wrong- information so I can answer this question personally) and wanted to make sure he got an answer.

If you read my post below you'll know I was a little down on Sunday thinking about all the troops over in Iraq and elsewhere fighting a war that no one here seems to pay any attention to. I expressed a hope that they would make it back safely. Apparently, I am such a whore the following question was asked of me :)

Anonymous Moron Says: "Why didn't you just blow him? You usually do that when drunk."

Well... there were a few reasons I didn't immediately drop to my knees and blow him (though of course this was my first instinct being on a whore-off free). Also, I wonder what your definition of "usually" is.... because if it means just one time you really need to repeat that special ed third grade class of yours, your mom is soooo going to beat your ass when she finds out you've been using the internet again :) But here are the reason that service person wasn't blown by me:

1. Lack of Facilities: Yes there was a men’s and a women’s room in the bar but all of the stalls were so tiny it really would have been uncomfortable and I really don't like to eat or drink in the bathroom....just the "ick factor" you know. The rest of the bar was packed, and while at first I thought I might just be able to crawl under a table I realized they were all taken.

2. Our Significant Others- Though you know I always (read once) cheat on Mr. First Year I was unable to sway this soldier from letting go of monogamy to his wife. I tried hard, don't worry....but alas it was not to be.

3. I am trying to reform my drunken blow job giving ways. I always thought when drunk to just stick whatever dick was available into my mouth....but apparently that’s a faux pas of some sort. So I am working on it. Aren't you proud of me?

Have a Happy Tuesday All :)

First Year-


Anonymous Meg said...

Having driven in both cities extensively, I can tell you without a doubt that Philly drivers are worse than DC people. The fifth or sixth time that someone honks their horn at you as you slow down to pause at a STOP sign...well, I've thought about getting out of my car a few times, and wish I had a gun (one of the benefits of Philly over DC - it's legal to carry firearms.)

You do seem to have a lot of (or maybe just one really prolific?) anonymous assholes making comments, huh? :)

9:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, you do seem to be the flame for the asshole moth. Why you would put such a comment on a somber post escapes me.

The few times I've been in D.C. have been for a moot court competition. And by "moot court competition" I mean heavy drinking. So if you ever had to swerve to avoid a drunk guy wandering around DuPont Circle, that might have bee me. Sorry about that.

10:24 AM  
Blogger Coffeypot said...

Thank you for appreciating our service personal mentioned in you last post. Those guys and gals are my new heroes. Every minuet of everyday there is a sailor or soldier on guard duty some where in the world. And some of them are in harms way. But what makes them my heroes is the fact that they volunteered for it. There is no draft, and they are more mature and better trained than we were in VN. Bless the all and their families, too.

And speaking for us men, please don’t give up your drunken blow job ways. And in that vane, let me ask you a question. What’s the difference between love, true love and showing off? Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

Enjoy DC and thanks for stopping by and leaving your comment. Stop by anytime. If I'm not there leave a message.

11:28 AM  
Blogger dicta said...

i hate other drivers period. let's not bog ourselves down with the details of this city or that city.

1:17 PM  
Blogger Tired of being broke said...

The driving you described could be midtown manhattan. I swear those yellow bees (aka yellow cabs) think that they are the only ones on the road. Then don't even get me started on the MTA bus drivers. The road is there's period.

4:34 PM  
Blogger she said: said...

It seems like a netkooky place right now. Kind of sounds Halloween-ey.

Several blogs I read have turned up with them. That is what you get with prosperity... a bunch of netkooks with a lot of time on their hands. Don't let em get to ya.

6:29 PM  
Anonymous juddge said...

Can't wait to get to DC next summer. Luckily I won't have a car. :)

9:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am proud of you, of course!

Drivers in Atlanta are the same. When I used to work there we would all go 80 miles an hour bumper-to-bumper and never use turn signals. It drives the tourists nuts. My brother-in-law actually asked me once what the speed limit was here when he was visiting. I told him it was 55 but we all thought that was just a suggestion.

6:19 AM  

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