Friday, February 02, 2007

The Adult Version of "My Dog Ate my Homework"

At the end of the month the excuses as to why time isn't entered into the system, why expense reports aren't filed, and why various other mundane yet crucial administrative tasks aren't done are always very interesting. They range from the ordinary to the unbelievable, to excuses that tug at the heart strings and ones that make me wonder if the person giving it to me thinks I am an idiot. Below, a sampling of the lame-o excuses I have recieved Thursday and Today about why end of the month stuff hasn't been done, when its past the first.

1. The boring and mundane:

I hate these types the most, if you're going to make up some crap at least be original, give me something interesting to read. Writing out, "Sorry I've been swamped and I haven't finished entering my time in" is not only yawn inducing but its also a lie (because I can in fact see that you haven't entered a single hour for the month....not only did you not finish, you didn't start). Of course theres the usual chorus of, "I've been out sick the last few days of the month" (No, you haven't, you've been here and have just been too busy watching YouTube and reading Business Week). And the inevitable, "Oh I forgot how late it was getting in the month!" (What??? You totally lost track of the date, the fact that you sit in front of a computer with your calendar blinking at you all day doesn't clue you in? How about the 3-4 emails I sent around about the end of the month approaching and then arriving? Missed all those too huh?). But my point is this, your excuse is dumb, its easily proven to be untrue, and really its just old, sad, and used up. So think of something else, especially those of you who use the same on each month!

2. The Unbelievable:

One of mid-level manager types actually attempted to use this excuse this month, "I entered my time and submitted it and somehow the system must have deleted half of the time for 2 weeks. But I definetly entered it, and I don't want to enter it again, because I already did and it just isn't in there."

Me: Oh....really? Hmmm, I'll put a call into tech support.

Me to Tech Support: One of our employees says that the program deleted half of two of her timesheet. Is that possible?

Tech Support: No, not really.... its not likely the program will randomly something, but if it did would delete the entire timesheet, not just half of it.

Me: Thats what I thought....thanks.

Now, really...who is going to believe that a software program just randomly ate up half (not the whole but half) of your time sheet, not once but twice. Something tells me you're just being lazy. But at least you made up something good. So I am going to add to my advice from the previous section. Not only should your excuse be interesting and difficult to prove to be a lie, it should also be feasible. Don't use an excuse that couldn't actually have happened. For example, if you tell me you got into a car wreck and were in a comma for a few weeks I am not likely to believe you, if you tell me you got a flat tire and poor you had to spend the day waiting for AAA and buying a new tire from Goodyear I am more likely to let it go (though I still wont believe you).

3. Stupid, ignorant, mean-spirited:

These types don't even try an excuse they just skip straight to the rudeness and indignation. If I had a dollar for every time I hear, "I shouldn't have to do this because I am too highly billed/important/busy", well I wouldn't have to do my job. might be highly billed and important to someone other then me, but the fact remains that you still need to put the time that you spent on client work into a program that then bills the client for the work done for them. Its not hard, and really unless you have a secretary following you around all day taking notes I do believe its easier for you to just do it yourself and not try to get some junior staff member to enter it for you. Think about it, if you have to write out on paper all of your hours for the assistant to enter into the program, why didn't you just enter it into the program? It would take less time then what you did. So, simply being too much of a snobbish ass, who is also too stupid to realize that his (or it could be a her, but to me this one's a him, a very specific him) delgating is wasting way more of his time then its saving, is also not a good excuse.

So, in wrap up... don't bore me, don't make it too obvious you're lying to me, don't tell me something that cannot be true, and don't use your foul personality as an excuse.

Thanks and get your damn time in!

First Year :)


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