Monday, September 25, 2006

Beware the Plastic Bag and Other Road Hazards

Dear Scared Nighttime Drive,

I know that in the darkness of night with so few others prowling the road any little thing can scare you. So, I was not surprised to see you swerve like a maniac in order to avoid something in the road. Since you were in front of me, I even felt like this was a nice little warning for me. So, imagine my surprise when I realized you had swerved to avoid a plastic bag. I snubbed my nose in the face of the danger, chose not to drive over the double yellow to avoid the hazard. That’s right, I drove right by the bag, perhaps even over the back. Thankfully, luck was on my side and I voyaged home safely.

But what happened last night is simply too much. Again, driving down the road at nighttime I was blissfully minding my own business in my own lane. Then there you come, the champion of ghost items, along the other side of the road at me. Apparently you were scared by the shadow of something in the road and inexplicable drove directly into my lane and slammed to a stop. You see, I was traveling in this lane and there was no other for me to turn in to, so I was barely able to slam on my breaks to avoid hitting you, a car facing me in my lane. You roll down your window breathing hard and breathlessly exclaim, “Sorry, I thought that shadow was an animal, but it was just my car.”, and then proceeded to stare at me to back up (which I didn’t) so you could continue your large arch in the road. Finally giving up you sigh and back up, driving off into the night.

So as a public service I have listed some things that won’t hurt your car if driven over (unless of course they get stuck in your tail pipe or some other freak occurrences happens).

- Bags
- Shadows
- Leaves
- Small tree pieces (twigs, branches, clusters of leaves).
- Clothing.
- Food

Now, these things WILL hurt your car and deserve a swerve, though never into other cars.

- Pieces of other cars (bumpers, pipes, tire pieces, etc)
- Large Amounts of glass
- Metal objects
- Wooden objects
- Large Objects
- Gates, houses, trailers, boats, etc
- People, animals, other cars.

So please, before swerving into traffic and shrieking like a girl, evaluate the situation and reconsider.


First Year-


Blogger Save Sheila said...

Another great post!

4:51 AM  
Blogger The Platypus said...

Yeah, it's always you that has to back up, isn't it? Like the other day at the market when some blonde in an SUV was making inept turns in the parking lot and couldn't make the corner. She asked me to back up for her. I guess her own vehicle didn't have a reverse gear.

8:38 AM  

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