When You Want to Look Ugly on Your Wedding Day

Since I am getting hitched I have been looking around for wedding dresses. As most people have told me to start with the bridal magazines so I could get an idea of what I liked I did just that. But I have discovered something horrifying when flipping through these.....wedding dresses appear to come in a few different types...ugly, really fucking ugly, for mormons, or for I don't even know who. Please tell me who looks through these magazines and sites, lays eyes on any of the following dresses and sees their dream dress? Please...please!!!!



Puffy Mermaid: What the hell is this? Who is looking for the perfect combination of unforgivingly tight material and fuzzy whateve, all in an asymetrical shape?

Disablingly Mermaid: Perhaps the people who were interested in the above dress but hated the puffy/feathery shit really dreamed of a gown so tight they couldn't walk. I mean when my knees are bound together by a tiny stretch of fabric and I am wearing high heels I am always really happy. I guess this is for those who don't really care about their own comfort on their wedding day.

Chewed Bubble Gum: If neither a sleep super tight gown nor a furry nightmare are right for you, how a dress that looks like someone randoming tacked up pieces of it?

Don't Stand Too Close: When you're wearing this dress you wont have to worry about hugging your guests, dancing with your brand new husband or sitting down!

Buble Gum Chain: When a regular train just wont do because its YOUR DAY!!!!

So there you have it.... either designers are completely confused about what looks good on women, or maybe these are really fashionable and I am out of touch...

First Year :)

Tourist Stupidity

So.... I was watching one of those Judy Judy type court shows (Judge Alex perhaps...) and I have watched a lot of these shows and this is by far one of the dumbest things I have ever heard of suing someone over.

Plaintiffs: Older couple who wanted to go vacation in a less popular destination spot (as in not Cancun or one of the hot spots, it was on the other coast) in Mexico and contract a travel agency.

Defendent: Travel agency that booked their trip.

So, basically Dumb Couple ("DC") wanted their money back for their entire vacation because the resort wasn't what they were expecting and they were not satisified. Their biggest complaint.... That the food in the buffet was labelled in Spanish (in Mexico, in a non-tourist town, who would have known?) and that less then 5% of the people spoke English and they couldn't just talk to whoever they needed for help.

Hello....did I hear that right....you were upset because not enough people in a foriegn country spoke English? Your vacation was "ruined" because you could not read the exact names of the foods in the buffet???? You're on vacation for fucks sake. Try something different! Try to read the spanish words and figure it out from there. Take a tiny bit and try it, take more if you like it, throw it away if you hate it, because....its.....a....buffet!!!! Or if you thought your vacation through ahead of time perhaps you could have brushed up on commonly used spanish phrases or even brought a little dictionary with you. I mean really... I don't know what broccoli is in spanish but if I were looking at a broccoli with spanish wording above it, I would still know what it is.

But no.... you wont be happy unless people are speaking to you in english, not just some people there for the purpose but any and all people you might bestow the gift of your annoying questions on. If you cannot find out the exact name of the dish, without having to actually look at it, consider its smell, and see if some of the spanish words are similar to english, then I guess you cannot eat? What in the hell is wrong with you people???? You should not be allowed to travel unsupervised.

The funniest thing is these people wanted to retire to live in that area of Mexico. Try to wrap your mind around how they would deal with that.

First Year :)

I'm Getting Married :)

Some good news to share with everyone....

I am....getting.... MARRIED :)

Mr. First Year did a valiant job doing the whole down on one knee bit and we're planning on a wedding for late summer in the area where we grew up (which is tons cheaper then the DC Metro).

Yippie!!!!