Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Clients Are Idiots

Dear Clients,

I understand that you have a lot going on, what with running that business of yours. I get that, I really do....we're busy here as well. However, why oh why is it that today, over a month past the deadline for the very last extension you were able to get for your 2006 income taxes (yes, 2006), do I receive a telephone call from you and have the following exchange:

Clueless Client: Hey First Year, I finally decided to remove my head from my ass and try to find the information you need to do our 2006 taxes.

Me: Well, that is great...I do hope you are aware that at this point they are past due and will incur a penalty.

Clueless: That is outrageous! That is why I pay people to do my taxes for me! Why don't I just do them myself.

Me: You can do them yourself if you'd like, but you'll still have to pay the penalty. Simply hiring someone to do your taxes, and then not allowing them to actually do your taxes along with cancelling every meeting we're made to go over them does not count in the eyes of the IRS. Is there anything else I can help you with since you'd rather file your return yourself?

Clueless: Well, aren't you going to help me?

Me: I would be happy to help you please send over x, y and z.

Clueless: Oh....none of the years sales/expenses/data/anything is in our Quick Books file yet.

Me: Well, we can do that, but it will take about a week for your return.

Clueless: But they are do NOW.....you need to do this today.

Me: No, they were due on April 15th and then again on September 15th, now they are past due and will be past due next week as well. It is 4pm and I am afraid I cannot drop work for other clients to do your data entry. If you would send the files over we would be happy to help you out and generate your returns early next week.

Clueless: :::::mutters about how lazy I am and why does he pay anyone to do something he could do himself:::::

Me: As I said, please feel free to do the data entry yourself this afternoon and then send over x, y and z and we can generate the returns later on this week.

Clueless: But I don't have time for that!

Me: Exactly!

Argh, what is that inane saying.... "Bad planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part".

So dear client, while I prefer to while all my returns on time, apparently you are too lazy/stupid/disorganized/whatever to do so. That doesn't mean I am going to drop whatever it was I was doing in order to help you. Turn around for a corporate return could be very quick, especially if you don't act like a jerk to the person who you want to help you, however this assumes you have actually been entering all your payments and incoming money for the year....you know like most business do, but if you haven't and expect to dump a pile of invoices, bank statements, deposit slips, invoices and whatever else on my desk 1.5 hours before closing time, do not even expect me to look at it until I do all the things I prefer to do (as in not data entry) first.

Also, when you say you could just do it yourself....this isn't a threat to me. I don't get extra money for dealing with you or for preparing your returns. You were acting like an asshole on the phone, did you think I would be groveling for the privilege of preparing your returns and organizing your mess and dealing with your screaming self on the phone for a week. No....I don't care if you go elsewhere. You are a shitty client.


First Year-

Monday, October 15, 2007

Missing An Essential Piece of Information

Dear City of Alexandria,

I understand that once and awhile you need to repave and repair your streets. Thats great, we all like a nice smooth pothole free street to drive down, well unlike you do a shitty job. However, when you close down a large stretch of a major connecting street and you put those nice little helpful detour signs up, you really ought to have an actual detour route.

I drive up Closed Street to get to work as usual and see that with no warning (so I cannot turn down one of the other connecting streets) that the road is closed, I can continue no longer. But alas, I think its OK....here is a detour sign pointing left, the only way we can turn with all the great one ways in this area. So I turn left and look for another sign pointing me to the detour. There is no sign. Instead I am now driving around a residential neighborhood with a line of other commuters filled with one way streets and seemingly no way to get back unto a connector street that does not invole the closed street. We cannot get back out unto the main road because the one ways make it impossible, We cannot get to a connector street because the residential streets are all dead ends or circles of some sort. So we all drive around in a comical circle until the first person in line decides to just cut through a large day care (yes, very safe for all those little kids being dropped off) center's grounds, drive over the grass, over a curb, and about 10 feet down a one way to finally get to freedom.

I of course followed him.....but really what else what I going to do? Continue to circle the neighborhood? Park my car where I am not allowed to and walk the 1.5 miles to work? Give up, park the car, roll over and die? No really....I am curious because you really could not have planned that worse if you had tried.


First Year-

Friday, October 12, 2007

I am Alive

Well....I suck at keeping up with my blog. But the thing is I feel like sort of a fraud posting here.

I decided that I will be taking a nice long break from law school. I HATED my law school....I hated their freaking humanitarian efforts and obsessions with the repressed of the world (nothing against the repressed of course). So I have been trying to decide whether I should keep posting in this blog or simply start a new one, leave this one up for prosterity and have a link.....

If anyone is still reading and has an opinion just give me a holler.

And, the wedding was awesome :) I'll post some pictures (well without faces of course, it will be the great headless wedding, maybe a bit too creepy......) when I finally get the CD in from our photographer. But we have a shit load of fun, the food was great, there were plenty of booze and we danced all night. All of the people I hoped would be there were there (well almost.....but distance is hard sometimes) and hopefully they all had fun :)

First Year- or rather.... No Year-

Maybe I should call this blog, "now what?"
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