BJ's, Oh How I Love to Hate You

You might wonder why I would be doing so much shopping at BJ’s given that I am a “family” of only 2. Well, it’s because we eat at home most nights, love to cook (and drink), and I love to save money. So while it might seem insane for 2 people to purchase 10 pounds of boneless skinless chicken breasts to eat, in reality we use it up in about a month and pay less then half the price the grocery store charges for it. Another upside is their beer and wine prices. Wine from BJ’s you might ask? Well yes, they actually have quite a selection. For instance, we are swill beer drinkers, a 24 pack of American-lite bottles run 14.99, if cans are your thing they are 18 bucks for a 36 pack. And the wine I find at Total Wine for 15.99 a bottle is 7.99 a bottle at BJ’s. On top of that, their frozen “fun” food selection cannot be beat, we enjoy their dumplings, appetizers, etc often.

Anyhow, enough of me trying to defend my BJ’s habit (its only ½ a mile from where I live!!!) there are so many things that annoy me about the store, or more specifically the other customers who shop there. So, I would like other BJ’s shoppers to keep a few things in mind to make everyone’s experience a little more pleasant.

1. Control you kids!

I have no problem with children in any inherent way. But what I do have a problem with is wild children in areas where they might not need to be. For instance, I cannot understand why Mom and Dad would go shopping with all 5 of their children. Why doesn’t one of you stay home with your happy bunch and allow the other a few hours of blissful peace? But regardless, if you must bring your offspring, please try to keep them near you, keep them from knocking down merchandise, kicking other customers, screaming across the store, or otherwise being loud and obnoxious. And please, for the love of god, the aisles are only so wide, if you and your brood insist on standing in a line while walking around the store at least step out of the way if someone walks up. And, if your little tyke kicks me, throws something at me, or yanks my hair or any of my clothing please apologize, we’ll both have a laugh and move on, don’t shoot me a dirty look.

2. Keep near your cart!

There are times I have to leave my cart to grab an item in a place where there is no room for my giant cart. But, it is in normal, reasonable, or a good idea to abandon your cart while you shop for many items aisles away, blocking a large amount of merchandise (and possibly leaving your loved one strapped into the kiddy holder!!!!) while you debate between types of pasta. Take your cart with you, even though I know it is a pain in the butt to drag with you. I am a small female as well, those things are heavy, but thus is life.

3. Realize it’s not a competition!

Please do not race towards the potatoes display in some sort of grocery Olympics in an attempt to get the very best Red Bliss Potatoes you can. There’s about 150 bags of potatoes there, I am sure we can both find what we want. And if we happen to be looking at the same item at the same time, please do not push me out of the way, tell me to give you space, or otherwise make me feel as if it is “your” territory rather then a store open to the public.

4. Respect the item limits!

There are express lanes of several varieties, 6 items (for people just dropping in for a few things) 12 items (for a little shop, but nothing major), and 18 items (maybe for party need?). So, if you have a crammed cart full of crap, you’ll have to use one of the 15 regular lanes. The reason for the express line is that someone like me with 2 boxes of beer, 1 bag of potatoes, and a package of ribs (4 items) does not have to wait in line behind someone doing their monthly stock up. If you have a few extra items, most people don’t care. But don’t push it. So, I was not pleased to get in the 6 item or less express line to find you in front of me with a cart containing no less then 50 items. I was overjoyed that, even though you placed most of your things on the conveyor belt the cashier refused to check you out and insisted that you remove your items and go to a regular register. It was even funnier to watch you cuss and curse that you had been waiting and didn’t want to wait in line again. Well, none of us (with 6 items or less) want to wait for you to check out. This is the quick in and out register, so I am glad your time was wasted, because you care so little about wasting the time of any other people.

Aside from that there are minor annoyances (don’t stand in the middle of the aisle blabbing into your cell phone for example) BJ’s is great. Lets try to just do our shopping, mind our manners, think of others, and generally not be awful humans. Maybe its just bulk shopping that brings out the worse in all of us?

Thanks, FY-

Thank You Notes, Dos and Donts

Anyone reading about a week back knows about my hiring fiasco that is thankfully now over, however a side effect was a slew of thank you notes. As you can imagine some people didn’t bother to send them, some people sent notes that were generic, some thoughtful, and others just plain stupid and funny. So below, some dos and don’ts of thank you note writing for the business world.

DO:

- Be specific enough so that I know you didn’t just copy and paste the same thing to every interviewer. Mentioning the time and day is helpful, along with the position and my own name, spelled correctly help.

- Thank me for my time and don’t sound sarcastic when you do it.

- Of course, spell check your letter and leave the exclamation points out of it (okay, one might be OK)

DON’T (because these are more fun)

- Be sarcastic, if you didn’t enjoy meeting with me, thought the interview sucked, maybe you should skip the thank you note?

“ Ms. First Year, Thank you sooo much for the “time” you spent interviewing me, I am sure it could have been better spent, as was obviously your opinion.”

Doesn’t endear me to you. Do you think I will see that, have an epiphany about my general rudeness to you and displeasure at interviewing someone so haughty and snotty and then decide I must have such an arrogant ass working for me? Doubtful.

- Swear. Yes, I swear all the time too but hardly ever in a work setting and never in a business correspondence to someone I don’t know.

“Getting to your office was a bitch, but I appreciate your patience with my shitty MapQuest directions”.

Wow, you managed to swear twice during one sentence. On the other hand, I can sympathize MapQuest really does give shitty directions.

- Tell me the job/company/office/brand sucks. If it sucks, why did you come in to interview? Do you think telling me this will somehow make me see the light and quit my job?

“While I appreciate your time and attention during the interview process, I am afraid I could not work for **** resorts, the hotels are inferior to **** and I only like to work for the best. Thank you.”

Ouch. But thanks anyhow. Just so you know most companies suck in one way or another anyhow.

- Insult me, the fact that I have the position, the company policies.

“Ms. First Year, thank you meeting with me on xx, xx regarding the accounting assistant position, however I do not find it acceptable to work for someone that is two decades my junior. Please remove me from consideration in this position.”

Don’t worry, you weren’t being considered for the position at all. You allowed your snotty attitude to our age difference show through in everything you said to me in your interview. You even asked me how old I was; clearly it seems that you would have a problem with the power dynamic. But thanks for the note!

So in conclusion, if you write a note: Be polite, spell correctly, don’t insult the person, be specific, don’t curse, and generally reread what you write before you send. Thanks :)

First Year-

Breast Nazis

I know this is a second post for the day, and that’s odd for me, but I came across an article in Redbook (of all places) that really set me off. So, what better place to let loose a rant then here?

Redbook has a section called the “Red-Hot Topic” and at issue in this particular segment was breast feeding vs. bottle feeding, no not the age long debate but if a warning label should be placed on baby formula. This warning would say something to the effect of: “Breast-feeding is the ideal method of feeding and nurturing infants.” And basically label formula feeding an infant a “risky behavior”. (Proposed by Sen. Tom Harkin (D-IA))

Now, I don’t have a personal stake in the issue because I don’t have any babies to feed with either my breasts or store bought formula, but I imagine that many women who want to breast feed can’t and would be pretty upset to find these little warnings on their bottles of formula. Also, this is indicative of the crazy militant breast feeders I love to hate. These women will breast feed anywhere, any time with no sense of common decency. No the breast isn’t shameful, and feeding your child is beautiful, I would never relegate someone to the bathroom or other undesirable place. But, don’t just rip the shirt off and sit there with both breasts hanging out with an infant suckling at you in a 5 star steak house. Please, use a blanket, or better yet don’t go to such fancy places with an infant so young. Just a thought.

But now, these women/men aren’t just trying to reclaim their right to feed their children unbothered, no they must ensure everyone also breast feeds, and that anyone who doesn’t do so is a bad parent taking risks with their children’s health. This is really where I draw the line, if you want people to respect your choice and respect your right to practice your choice then please respect the choices of others. Chances are the mothers not breastfeeding either (a) cant and no amount of shaming will make it physically possible for them to do so or (b) don’t want to, they have probably already thought it out, how it fits with their schedule and life style. But if they know the health benefits/flaws of both sides and simply chose not to, you don’t make them and shaming them is just silly.

Do we do this with any other diet choice adults make for themselves/their families. If I stop by to get McD’s for me and my family why don’t we slap a label on their that says: “Eating low fat home made meals is ideal for your health, ingesting this food is a risky behavior”. Well maybe we should have that label but you get my point.

I wholeheartedly agree with educating people about their choices. But once they are educated and have made them, don’t chastise them for choosing differently then you wanted them too. So, LLL (La Leche League) and various “lactation” consultants, understand some people cannot breast feed and some do not want to. Do what is best for you and your body and let others do what is best for them and theirs.

OK, rant over.

First Year

Beware the Plastic Bag and Other Road Hazards

Dear Scared Nighttime Drive,

I know that in the darkness of night with so few others prowling the road any little thing can scare you. So, I was not surprised to see you swerve like a maniac in order to avoid something in the road. Since you were in front of me, I even felt like this was a nice little warning for me. So, imagine my surprise when I realized you had swerved to avoid a plastic bag. I snubbed my nose in the face of the danger, chose not to drive over the double yellow to avoid the hazard. That’s right, I drove right by the bag, perhaps even over the back. Thankfully, luck was on my side and I voyaged home safely.

But what happened last night is simply too much. Again, driving down the road at nighttime I was blissfully minding my own business in my own lane. Then there you come, the champion of ghost items, along the other side of the road at me. Apparently you were scared by the shadow of something in the road and inexplicable drove directly into my lane and slammed to a stop. You see, I was traveling in this lane and there was no other for me to turn in to, so I was barely able to slam on my breaks to avoid hitting you, a car facing me in my lane. You roll down your window breathing hard and breathlessly exclaim, “Sorry, I thought that shadow was an animal, but it was just my car.”, and then proceeded to stare at me to back up (which I didn’t) so you could continue your large arch in the road. Finally giving up you sigh and back up, driving off into the night.

So as a public service I have listed some things that won’t hurt your car if driven over (unless of course they get stuck in your tail pipe or some other freak occurrences happens).

- Bags
- Shadows
- Leaves
- Small tree pieces (twigs, branches, clusters of leaves).
- Clothing.
- Food

Now, these things WILL hurt your car and deserve a swerve, though never into other cars.

- Pieces of other cars (bumpers, pipes, tire pieces, etc)
- Large Amounts of glass
- Metal objects
- Wooden objects
- Large Objects
- Gates, houses, trailers, boats, etc
- People, animals, other cars.

So please, before swerving into traffic and shrieking like a girl, evaluate the situation and reconsider.

Thanks,

First Year-

Stating the Obvious

Recently I have been noticing that some customer service reps tend to say really stupid and obvious things to people. I don't know why this is, perhaps I have IDIOT written on my forehead, maybe they are used to encounter people who do not know the very basic facts of life. But below are a few examples.

1. Upon complaining that food shipped to me was delivered improperly, agent on the phone states, "Well I hate to tell you, but food is a perishable."

Whaaaaaat? Food is perishable? No way! So THATS why I have a fridge and freezer in my home, because it needs to stay cold. Wow, thanks for the tip!!!

2. Upon purchasing a shirt, "Since you'll only have one you must wash it if you get a stain on it or get it dirty so you can wear it again."

Wash clothes when they're dirty??? Lunacy! I have never, in my life heard of that. And all this time I have just gone on wearing shirts with stains on them because I didn't know what to do. Lucky for me, I bumped into you.

3. When comparing boxes of kitty litter, "Just so you know, the 15 pound box has a lot less litter then the 30 pound box."

Well, thank you for imparting that wisdom on me. And here I was thinking, why on earth would I pay more for the 30 pound box when I can just buy this 15 pound box and get the same amount of litter. You say those "pounds" that the box are described by denote how much litter is in each box? As if! Next you'll be telling me that those number attempt to tell me what the box weighs.

So, blogger-world friends, am I the only one submitted to these inane comments and helpful hints? Are the majority of people so moronic they dont know some foods need to stay cold, clothes should be washed when dirty before being worn again, and that 30 pounds of product is a greater amount then 15 pounds of it? Please tell me no. Or tell me I am not the only one. Or tell me to go back to kindergarden to learn life's missed lessons.


First Year :)

Hiring People Sucks

This is another work/accounting related rant…

I have had the “pleasure” recently to help participate in the hiring of a new person in my department. To begin with I got to weed out the resumes passed on to us by HR. So, below First Year’s tips for sending your resume and cover letter, we all know the inane tips (spelling, grammar, etc) but I was still amazed by what made it to my desk, it seems HR doesn’t read cover letters, just checks for basic experience/education, thanks HR.

1. If you don’t know the name of the person who you are sending the cover letter to the wrong thing to write is… “Hiya!!!”, or “Hey There….”, or “Check This Out!”.

2. We list specific things we’d like you to be able to do in relations to accounting, is this what you meant when you said, “I know how to do accounting and stuff.” It’s a mystery, I was tempted to call you in just to find out what this mysterious accounting “stuff” was.

3. Don’t ask us to compromise on certain key issues. For example, while we do appreciate a multi-cultural environment here (well most people anyhow), you really do need to speak English fluently to work here. So when you say, “I write this for my friend because he doesn’t speak English, but instead German and French.” Please understand why you friend cannot work here.

4. Don’t make it difficult for us to contact you. I prefer to email you, if you prefer a phone call (well…you know what YOU are the one applying so really, maybe you should let us pick…) don’t give inane time windows in which we may call you. “My preference is a phone call during the hours of 8 am until 10 am, and again from 6:30 pm until 10 pm, thanks. Well my preference is to not make work calls before or after work, so the 1 hour time window in which I may call you might not work for me. So you got placed into the trash.


Now, that aside, when you actually come in an interview please be aware of how you treat other people in the office, not just your interviewer. First, HR will meet you and show you around, then I will meet you. Here’s what not to do:

1. I know I am young, and look even younger. Despite this I will still be your manager if hired so none of the following are good things to say to me, “Wow, you look like a baby!”, “But you’re so young, if the manager out today?”. “You are going to interview me?”

2. Do not joke that you should be the manager and I should be the assistant. How rude is that? Yea, because I want someone working under me who thinks they should be my manager….we’d have a great working relationship I am sure.

3. Don’t act indignant that you are pushing 50 and will be working under someone not even half-way to 30. I know that has to suck, but you don’t have much experience, got your education late, not my fault. In fact its your fault, you chose to stay home with your kids until they were 18 (excessive….?) so expect to start back where you left off. Saying, “I can’t work for someone who is young enough to be my child, I’d mother you too much!” makes me really not want to hire you.

4. You don’t get to pick who interviews you. If you feel you didn’t get to tell me everything you wanted to, send me an email with a follow up afterwards. Do not stare at me when I thank you for coming in, stand up, and extend my hand and say, “But we’re not done. Maybe someone else can talk to me.” No, we’re done and I hated you. But thanks for coming in!

Yick, interviews all week this week. I have a pretty good idea of who will get the position though :)

FY-

Friday Fun :)

So, I have a hard time throwing out of some things that I can no longer use but that are still in perfect order. Of course, I decide to use Freecyle to gift some of these items to people that might be able to use them. Yesterday I posted a year old fully functional bagless vacuum cleaner and a new in box toaster oven. I understand that new and perfectly working things are top on the list of Freecyclers, but I could do without the sob stories. Please to enjoy below actual emails from people who will not be getting my stuff:

RE: Vacuum Cleaner:

1. The simple plea: “PLEASE!! MAY I have this, PLEASE?????”

Well, caps lock does make me want to give things to other people….

2. “Hello. My fiance and I have put a vacuum cleaner on our wedding registry, but we're not sure that we'll get it. So, we'd love to have the one you're offering.”

Why not wait to see if someone gives you the vacuum before taking a free one? Someone else probably has NO chance of it being given to them as a gift. How bratty are you people????

3. “I would love to have this vaccuum. I need it for our church buildingthat we are getting tomorrow. So that would be awesome!”

Oh yea… you’re getting it for the “church” building you’re getting tomorrow? It would be “awesome”? No, I don’t think so…..

4. “Let me explain, we have a 19 year old neighbor girl who really, really needs this vacuum. She is a really sweet girl who is working very hard to better herself and her life ~ she's had a very rough life (through no fault of her own) and yet, she's still very positive!! She's a good girl who deserves a break. She is currently living with her elderly grandfather, who is recovering from quintuple bypass surgery, and taking care of him and his house by herself.”

Seriously, just say you want the vacuum, its cool we all need a vacuum to clean our homes. This is very far fetched sounding!

5. “I will pick the vacuum up tonight after 10 pm when I get off of work, do not give it to someone else, as I have already told you I am coming. Call my cell ###-###-#### to give me your address”

Umm…no. The person who I pick to give the damn thing to will come at MY convenience, which isn’t late in the evening. You telling me you are coming isn’t the same as me saying, “I want you to have the vacuum please come and get it between such and such a time at this address”.
6. “Must be nice to get a new vacuum [we bought a new one recently, the reason this one is leaving my home] too bad not everyone has your money and has to get your leftover scraps! [ the thing is a year old, we just got the bigger model, it works wonderfully!] Maybe you need to learn something about helping others, not just keeping the nice stuff for yourself and giving away your leftovers. I would prefer the new vacuum but of course I can’t afford it. You seem to be able to afford a new one and can give away new small appliances, think about your giving and I believe you’ll see the right thing for you to do.”

The right thing to do is to give you the NEW vacuum I purchased and keep the old one for myself? Listen lady, I could sell the old vacuum on Craig’s List for about $50-$75 (going price I looked), but I decided to give it away for free to pass on some Karma. I don’t even know what to say about this!

And now, for the Toaster Oven:

1. “I need it to cook food, I don’t have a stove or oven and my kids are sick of cold food.”

Why don’t you have a stove/oven? Seriously…..

2. “I need a good toaster oven, but alas, keep using my spending money on my 10 month old.”

Really? All of it? I just found this funny, she went on to say she hasn’t been able to buy anything for the kitchen because, “My baby loves new clothes and I can’t help myself, lol”. Well I suggest you help yourself, your 10 month old is a BABY, she doesn’t know the difference between walmart and saks 5th avenue. Buy yourself things you need not stuff your daughter “wants”

3. “ I got a toaster over from here a month ago, but your seems nicer. I’d love to chuck the older one and replace it with your new one.”

Umm… this is freecyle, you already got 1! And now that there is a better one you’re going to throw the one someone gave you for free (was also new in box!) away and not list it on the site? What don’t you get about freecyle? Or are you only able to TAKE and not GIVE.

Seriously though, posting things on Freecycle made me hate humanity just a little bit. There were many people who wrote something normal like:

“Hi there, We could really use the “item”, if it is not taken we can pick it up at your convenience. Thank you for your generosity either way” (That person is the recipient of the vacuum and a similar one won the toaster oven)

What NOT to do to get free crap:

Respond to every ad! You want the vacuum, toaster over, women’s clothes, men’s shoes, cat bed, AND plants? And you have a different story as to why you desperately need each one? Right…
Don’t tell me when you’re coming to get it in your first email to me. I will tell you when I am available to have it for pick up.
Don’t call me self-ish for not giving away my new items.
Don’t tell me to call you between whatever times on your cell phone, times most people are asleep is especially not going to happen.
Don’t tell me you need it but need me to bring it to you. No, I wont do that. You come here to get it, you live 30 miles away, why would I spend my own gas to drive a vacuum down to you? Use your local freecycle please.

Ok, rant over :)

Side Note: Thanks to everyone who weighed in on my last post. I knew the right thing to do all along, I was just wavering a little bit. I believe I will have a talk with my friend and let her know that when I am questioned I will have to tell the truth to the best of ability, and that I wish she had not made the undesirable facts known to me but she has. If she wants me to be called for an interview I will not be able to lie or omit information that I have certain knowledge of. Then if I have the interview I will have to tell the truth. What a crappy situation though, I wish she had kept me in the dark about many of the things she is doing but she hasn’t. She’s known I am a law student, and that am unlikely to take lying to the Federal government lightly, but I guess that’s the way it goes. So thank you :)

First Year-

Ethical Dilemma

Yes, I have come across one already. I have a friend in a crappy situation. At the beginning of the crappy situation I told her I would agree to be interviewed by a certain government agency. Since that time she has engaged in some activity that is pretty inappropriate given the situation and that I know the government agents will question me about.

I have a problem with lying to them, but if I am questioned and tell the truth it will ruin my friend’s case (as an FYI this has nothing to do with anything actually illegal in case this seems like that sort of thing). So my choices are:

a) Refuse to the interview, risk being legally forced to by my friend’s attorney, thus implicating her in behavior/actions that kill her point.

b) Go on the interview; tell the truth, screw over friend.

My other problem is I have some moral disgust over Friend’s behavior, I do not support it all and wish she would stop acting the way she is. She seems to think that I will just say whatever is best for her. Her comments include the fact that they are sure to believe a law student, but there must be some sort of conduct I should be holding myself to at this point.

Sigh, I have a feeling this isn’t going to work out without me telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth to the detriment of my friend. Anyone have an opinion on this one?

FY-

Remembering....

In light of it being September 11 I hope we all remember the tragedy that happened 5 years ago.

Personally, I was a freshman in a DC university and the day was terrifying. When I see a plane fly over 395 near the Pentagon my heart still speeds up and I panic a little bit. Seeing a crowd of people all rushing in one direction and walking against them still makes me wonder if there is something I am missing, or if maybe I should run the other way. I still have a fear that my death is going to come at the hands of some sort of incident, terrorism related or otherwise. However, the iminent fear of something bad happening is over, but I will also not be leaving the house today.

Maybe I have a problem, but I am not sure its worth doing something about. So, I will live with the planes, the sirens, and the crowds of people, and I doubt anyone will find me leaving the house on this day. But, each year the fear gets smaller and smaller, though I doubt I will step foot in the Pentagon ever ever ever again since that day 5 years ago.

Thinking about the children who were born after their fathers died, the wives and husbands who never got to say good bye, and anyone who lost a friend or loved one so suddenly makes me so sad. I hope all those who lost someone have come to a place of peace.

Sorry, for the depressing entry, but I wanted to remember everyone who died and suffered that day. And anyone out there that still has the residual fear is definetly not alone.

FY-

Yes, I KNOW That costs more...

In this day and age of fat-assesness why do some "establishments" insist on forcing people to spend *more* money on *less* food????

For example:

I was feeling a little cranky yesterday, and while I never eat fast food (maybe 6 times a year) I decided that I really wanted some fatty McD's. So, I went and ordered my "usual" a chesseburger (the single, small one). I was told that it was 15 cents more expensive then the "double chesseburger". I tell her I would really prefer the smaller burger (still an ass load of calories and fat by the way, I am not good nutrition superstar here). She seems utterly shocked that anyone would pay more money for half the food.

Well, I doubt many people spend more money on less food. Most people would probably get the double cheese burger. But then the problem is, you're eating twice the cheeseburger. I know myself, if I have a double cheeseburger I will EAT it, all of it, every last greasy bite. Thats why I am practicing self-moderation and ordering the smaller one. It will satisfy my craving for the greasy badness but wont hurt my waisteline, cholesteral level, and general health as much as twice the food.

Another case... at a local place. Theres a special on the "large" plate where it basically costs less then the "small" plate. Well I always order the small plate. Its got a pile of pasta on it, a pile of whatever entree it was, and a pile of a veggie. I can't even finish it, most people can't. I always thought the large plate was meant for sharing, family dinners, or obese people. So, when I ordered my usual small plate of chicken parm with fettucine and I was told the large plate was $1 less money. Thats OK I say. Yes I KNOW I could take it home and enjoy my fat feast for another 2 meals, but you know what, I don't think I should that entire pile of food even in a 2 day time period. Your dishes are delicious, but I am trying to keep my figure.

I can imagine that many people thought "well of course I'll get the big plate, it costs less". Yes it does cost less money. But think of the extra 1 hour on the treadmill thats going to require! Or think of the cost of new clothes a few sizes larger.

Or maybe...with the obesity crisis being what it food peddlers can stop enticing people with financial savings to each larger quantities of food. Or maybe even start serving actual portion sizes. But of course someone faced with an *actual* portion of pasta, tiny piece of chicken, and full cup and a half of veggies will most likely feel ripped off.

Sigh... I cannot be the only person who sees how messed up this is. Now...to the treadmill for me :)

FY-

While the Dell was Away....

Not having my computer for over a week, while “working” from home was interesting to say the least. My boss regaled me with stories of the “relaxation” I would do, being unable to enter tiny numbers into huge spreadsheets, calculating various ratios, and overall trying to catch properties screwing us. Well, relax I did, with some fine day-time TV, which I may have had on in the background while working before, but now was the focus of all my attention… So, please to enjoy below some things I have learned, via trash daytime TV….

Starting Over:

- Apparently, if you were molested as a youngster you can reclaim your lost dignity by sitting in a filthy pond covered in scum.
- If you are a prostitute/escort/etc its going to take a lot of work and a lawyer (perhaps my calling as an attorney? Hmm…. :) to get all the porn/escort sites to take your photos off of their sites.
- Sticky notes are not just for reminding yourself of crap you need to do/important numbers/etc. You can also make a huge necklace out of them with all your worldly troubles, wear it around you neck, and walk around that way….it really helps your self esteem.

The Lesson: Silly challenges using various arts/crafts/dirt/office supplies will solve all your problems.

Dr. Phil:

- If you’re 40, have a wife and 2 kids, living with your mom who hates your wife is bound to make you wife unhappy. The solution, courtesy of the wisdom of the fine “doctor”, move out of Mom’s house.
- It seems, if you have a “special” child screaming at her/berating her/telling her she is stupid is the “wrong” thing to do. Whew…and I thought insulting the retarded was a good way to motivate them….
- For some reason, some men seem to think that letting their mom’s curse and scream at their wives is not their problem, but don’t worry, the doctor set them straight, they should tell their mom’s to stop.

The Lesson: There are tons of Mamma’s boys out there, this is bad. Also, married people with kids should live in their own homes.

Tyra Banks Show:

- Women should not tie their looks to their self worth, however if you do then you can get cosmetic surgery to fix the flaw!
- Somehow, what the people at Girls Gone Wild do, when they get girls to flash breasts and act drunk on film do, is completely different then what Tyra does when she has girls pose naked on her show, or on her other show (Next Top Model).
- The right way to seem mature and as if you are not holding a grudge against a certain person, is to always mention them in a negative way, preferably on TV.

The Lesson: Anything Tyra does is right, if you something she would agree with then you’re totally in the right, if you do something she wouldn’t you should change your behavior to be more in line with how she would act.

Next (MTV, “dating” show)

- The way to catch a good man requires you to hand him your panties when you first meet him.
- Its definitely NOT ok to tell a man you’re on a date with that you don’t usually sleep with men after only the first meeting, what a prude!
- While bored on the bus making out with the other potential dates, showing them various body parts, or even covering each other in whipped cream and licking it off is the best way to spend the time.

The Lesson: Be a whore, people will like you better!

Oh there are so many more gems of wisdom, but now that Mr. Dell is feeling less cranky, I should get to those numbers.

Who said TV isn’t educational?

FY :)

MIA...

Because my DELL broke.... guess I should have paid some attention to the others who have had problems with them! Will be back with a normal post soon.

I wanted to thank those who left comments on the last two posts, I am starting to feel better about whats been going on!

:) FY-